February 25th, 2015

Honesty this is it…

I am Georgina Verity Jones and I am a human being! People tell me I’m inspiring, motivated, ambitious, positive, have this super power of being upbeat all the time and nothing gets me down. Well kids I’m sorry thats simply not the truth (well not all of the time). I have days and moments when I don’t feel all of the above and lately I must say I have been feeling like that a lot. Why? Well by the time I finish this blog you will know and I will understand myself a little bit better, fingers crossed.

So what has happened to make me feel this way? My book has been published and I’ve and received some amazing feedback about it, new customers are engaging with Turn Lights On (and these are BIG customers!), the movement is growing, the book is selling, I have had wonderful press coverage, a successful book launch, lots of speaking opportunities and I still feel scared and overwhelmed. I do recognise that I have written a book to help people not to feel like that, so that makes me feel even worse and I’ve started to question myself. Am I a fraud? Who am I to help people? Am I qualified to do what I’m doing?

I think about thoughts as records playing over and over in my head. When negative thoughts pop in, they are like old records on my playlist. Records I haven’t listened for ages, insecurities about me not being qualified and not having a degree, not being adademic. I then start looking at everything I haven’t got instead of being in a place of gratitude. My ego has moved all her stuff in and is demanding squatter’s rights! I have remind myself that TLO is not about me! It’s never been about me, it’s about love, kindness and compassion and making this world lighter. I am just the lucky one guiding it!

So what have I done to shake this baby off? What did I do to make myself feel better? I took the day off! And do you know I was very grateful when I realized that I could take the day off. I recognise that some people can’t just stay in their PJs all day and spend some time looking after themselves.

I started out by talking to some people in my life that help me. My so called superstars. It’s always good to talk to the people who mean something to you and just let stuff out. I then listened to a coaching session that I had two years ago I have never been able to re-listen to. It’s 80 minutes of intense coaching which brought about some tears, lightbulb moments and penny drops galore!

Some might say it was a little crazy to put yourself through that when you want to feel better but I knew that I needed to hear it. My intuition, my inner guru was telling me to listen. I sat in my loft with a cup of tea and listened to the recording and the same things came up as I was feeling now! This feeling of constantly striving to be BETTER! BEING MORE of something and that can’t ever happen. I can only be what I am NOW! And because of this constant need to be better I do not accept the person I am today. After a shed load of crying and a rather too many olives, I received a facebook message from someone who said they had just bought my book and couldn’t wait to read it. Then I remembered – this happens a lot. I have a wobble and then something pops into my world, a little sign to say “dont give up George”.

After listening to the coaching session I decided to watch Eat Pray Love! It’s one of my most favourite films and I get a difference message from it every time I watch it. This time it was about filling your mind up with things that don’t really matter, and the need to control stuff. Thoughts come and go, we cant control them, we dont have to accept them. We can think “oh that’s just a thought and not a worthy one” and let them go.

Turn Lights On is about just being! Being here now in this moment. It’s about realizing you’re awesome and accepting yourself the way you are.

Writing this blog was inspired by a beautiful person that I know called Emma Rees. She said that she would like to hear all of the Turn Lights On story, not just the positive stuff. So there you, so contrary to popular belief I do not always believe in and love myself, I forget who I am and what I have to give and my ego takes over. I spent a day working things out and reconnecting with that little girl inside me who I’m always trying to improve. That little girl just needs love and kindness, not to be a better version of herself. I intend giving her all the love and kindness in the world and not forgetting about her.

I hope this has made sense to you. If you are a recovering perfectionist and striver like me, ask yourself what you are striving for and when are you going to get there? Setting up a life that is just focused on being better and doing more is just going to lead to the feeling of never being good enough. You are good enough NOW. Love yourself NOW.

Thank you for reading and I would love to hear what you think about my most honest blog ever. Feels odd and very uncomfortable and it’s taking all of my strength not to hit the delete button but I want to share this so you dont need to take the day off, cry and eat too many olives they have high salt levels and are no good for your heart! I did need to replace the salt I lost in my tears though – ha! George ever the positive deep down.


George x

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4 Responses

  1. Louise Humpington says:

    Well done darling George. I remember years ago telling you that I wanted to know all of you. Not just the super happy, confident George but also the insecure and not so bouncy George. Not because I wanted to see you miserable or unhappy but because only by acknowledging that person and those demons can you build her up and banish the things that might hold you back. Thank you for sharing that part of you. Doing so, so publicly will help so many that might feel intimidated or inadequate otherwise. Onwards and upwards lovely lady!

  2. WOW i love this blog and i really cant wait to read the book! I think this alone is inspirational George because if people were more honest with themselves and could take help when offered or at least learn how to help themselves then life would be so much better for everyone! “Turn the lights on!” Xx

  3. Marilyn Smith says:

    I totally understand what you’re saying, it’s written beautifully. You may not be an academic but you have fantastic emotional intelligence. You wouldn’t be as good at what you do if you were always upbeat and happy because you wouldn’t understand all types of emotion. Hope this is helpful and very well done for what you have achieved thus far. Maz xxx

  4. Hi Georgina

    What a lovely truthful and inspiring blog, so many people today try and make out their lives are so perfect on Facebook etc when everyone has problems and challenges to overcome including me, boy I ve had many. We just have to change the mindset to be positive and not let things get us down, go girl Georgina good in you
    Luv Trac xx

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